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Intro (Spoken word):
Ho ho ho! I mean: Yo yo yo!
Tis the season to get in the Christmas spirit, and I’ll tell you what sort of spirit I get in this season!
So if those first words made you think a rap is coming, you’re right! If you aren’t with that, get out!
Otherwise cozy up to the fire with cookies and milk, ‘cause I’m about to drop truth bombs down your chimney!
Verse 1:
In the USA, religion is free,
But you wouldn’t know that if you turned on the TV.
Each December, take a look and you’ll see
A crass mythology, that disses people like me!
I’m sorry that I had to come and bitch,
But some of us aren’t Christian and some of us aren’t rich!
There are lots of views, among your lots of viewers,
But you want to make us all think like perfect consumers!
Chorus 1:
I’m flipping the bird at the fourth estate,
For telling us all how to celebrate!
Christ is still in Christmas but money is its God.
So no, Virgina, Santa is a fraud!
Verse 2:
So to all of you writers who try to justify,
Your chubby and plump, ripe jolly old lie,
Known as Santa Clause, because he’s a good guy,
He’s the spirit of giving, who could deny?
Giving gifts to children, and all for free,
But that the lack of cost we see, is not reality.
So for children who see this to remain happy,
Requires a fee from folks like you and me!
Chorus 2:
I’m flipping the bird at the fourth estate,
Whose stories of Santa Clause perpetuate
The myth of free gifts for the good, on Christmas day.
No Virginia, parents have to pay!
Verse 3:
So what happens to those of us who object?
They make more specials where folks like us get wrecked!
Write folks who don’t believe, only to show them wrong.
This charade has been going on for far too long!
Then of course children learn that we were actually right!
They’ve been lied to all their life, and they feel the slight.
Sustaining this myth worsens poor parents’ plight.
Enough of this crap; I’m here to stand and fight!
Chorus 3:
I’m flipping the bird at the fourth estate
To tell them that I won’t collaborate
In helping their costly myth to spread!
No, Virginia, thank your parents instead!
Verse 4:
Parents want children to love them and respect them, too.
In order to accomplish this, what should they do?
Not tell them things that they will learn aren’t true.
They’ll be skeptical of past liars; wouldn’t you?!
Luckily there’s something better to try.
They can still get children presents but they don’t have to lie.
Instead tell them they’re the ones that work and buy.
And then busting the myth later won’t make children cry.
If parents can’t afford it, that isn’t good.
It’s how things may be, but it’s not how they should.
Children might be sad, but respect parents they would,
If they learned about money, and they really could!
Poverty is something we love to despise.
But we might solve it if we cease to disguise
The truth about money, so enough of those lies!
Give children the knowledge so their fortunes may rise.
Chorus 4:
I’m flipping the bird at the fourth estate.
As one man who will not accept his fate,
To pay to fuel a myth that makes all parents stressed.
No Virginia, knowledge is the gift that’s best.
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